defeat2For one that is well-known for being so blessed and with a heart so full of genuine happiness that it freely pours out unto others inspiring smiles, laughter, and simple motivation to keep the Pace in Life, it is the ultimate challenge trying to accept and deal with the reality of being utterly defeated and multi-year efforts being laid waste.

There is no self-consolation to soothe, no quotes or truisms to prick the funk that wraps like a straight-jacket, nor is there even the energy to claw back up the cliff of overwhelming victimization as I face defeat. The brain, already fried from prolonged racing to find escape, is simply unable (and unwilling) to humbly start from Square One to plan a rational solution, let alone hold the concept of so much being incomprehensibly destroyed and made purposeless.

If this is what depression feels like, I’ve had enough already. If it is simply shock, I am doubly disappointed by not being able to shake it off ….

After four years of unspeakable drain from renowned meticulous planning, hard work, and unwavering commitment, it came to light that it has all been in vain, due to the greed and deceptiveness of others that were central to the entire concept coming to fruition. I really do not want to go into detail about the whole thing, so all that read this will simply have to take my Word that it is the way it is, knowing that if I have come to the conclusion, that such is undeniably an extraordinary situation that has uncharacteristically bewildered even me.

Keep me in your thoughts, your prayers, and esteem. as being remembered such is the only thing I truly have left.